Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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