Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
