jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
