I will die if light touches me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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