dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
