remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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