You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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