what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
