My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
