If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
