No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
