Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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