Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
