she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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