I'm really into asian looking animals
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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