so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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