I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
