just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
