Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this boner is exhausting
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
