you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
