who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
