drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
