....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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