Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
