Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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