she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
