Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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