i barfeds in our rink
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
