did you get engaged???
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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