a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
