my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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