it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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