Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
