i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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