Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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