well I can't set my house on fire every night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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