So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it because I queefed?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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