she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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