A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize