Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
