I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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