just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
