that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
