Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize