it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
