I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
