You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
