actually, I'm a sock model
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
