I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think my moral compass just broke
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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