Got a toothbrush?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
