Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
