and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
