I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
