margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
