well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize