it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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