The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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