The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
