My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize