yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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