I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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