She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
