no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
