Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
