I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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