It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
