there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
