he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
