Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
